Copyright Headroom Counselling https://www.headroomcounselling.co.uk/blog/rss Sun, 17 May 2020 22:23:00 Sun, 17 May 2020 22:23:00 https://www.headroomcounselling.co.uk/blog/rss/blog/2020/may/17/will-going-out-tomorrow-bring-you-greater-freedom-or-fear/ #MentalHealthAwarenessWeek (18-24th May) starts tomorrow and it couldn't be happening at a better time. 8 weeks into lockdown, and in terms of our resilience and our ability to cope emotionally, it's about the long game. For 7 weeks, we knew exactly what to do. We might not have liked it, but it was simple and clear, it was black and white. Some people enjoyed the new normal, the simplicity of life - others really struggled. Then there were changes to lockdown (in England) happily opening doors for some while destabilising others. Black and white became grey, and with greater freedom there was potentially greater risk too, and a need for greater personal responsibliity. That change has been really difficult for some people. We are normally used to functioning in a continually moving and changing, noisy world, but for the last 7 weeks, we've been based in one place, seeing almost no one and it's been eerily quiet.  We have now had to adapt again, and making choices and decisions has felt more of a challenge because we haven't done much of either over the last 7 weeks. When we get out of the way of doing something, returning to it can feel so much more daunting. Of course, this easing of restrictions may feel very difficult becuase of the risk we feel we are being exposed to, whether for ourselves or the people we love. And that significantly ncreases our anxiety. Some of us are choosing to continue in lockdown as before as that feels safest, while others are benefitting fromt having a little more freedom. It's not wrong to have been happy at home, just as it's not wrong to have missed normal life and only just about surviving being stuck at home. For those for whom home is not a safe place or who are away from loved ones when they need them the most, this is a terrible time.  Returning to #MentalHealthAwarenessWeek, there is no better time for its theme of #KindnessMatters. Covid-19 has, at times, pushed many of us to our limits, it continues to push us to our limits, and will continue to do so as we try to stay afloat in the uncertain weeks to come. In all of this, it is so important that we are kind to ourselves and kind to others. We all experience things different, and even as individuals, how we feel one day may be very different to the way we feel another day. That's ok, our feelings Just Are. But in changing and unsettling times, even the smallest acts of kindness, to ourselves or others, are vital and may transform your own day or someone else's. So what better time for Mental Health Awareness Week than now, when looking after our mental health is as crucial to our survival as looking after our physical health. #KindnessMatters https://www.headroomcounselling.co.uk/blog/rss/blog/2020/may/17/will-going-out-tomorrow-bring-you-greater-freedom-or-fear/ https://www.headroomcounselling.co.uk/blog/rss/blog/2020/may/17/will-going-out-tomorrow-bring-you-greater-freedom-or-fear/ Sun, 17 May 2020 22:23:00 https://www.headroomcounselling.co.uk/blog/rss/blog/2020/may/06/caught-in-the-wave-of-covid-19/ Six weeks in and there is a weariness around. We're no longer in shock and the novelty of making sourdough, cake and whatever useful or creative things we've been doing has worn thin, if not off altogether. When our mood dips, it's getting harder to bounce back and when we need something to cheer us up or distract us - we have to find it within ourseves. We've been doing this for a while now and it's hard digging deeper to manage the continuing uncertainty and restrictions. It's a bit like being caught in a strong wave, an emotional rollercoaster - sometimes we're on top of it and feeling strong and like we can cope with coronavirus and all that it demands. At other times, we're on the underside and a bit overwhelmed or even gasping for air. It can feel hard to try to stay afloat. There's a phrase that's being said a lot just now - "we're all in the same storm but we're not all in the same boat". And it's so true - Covid-19 is certainly something we're all having to deal with but we are all coping in our own ways and shaped by the range of life experiences we already have to find our way through this. There isn't a "right" way to cope because what we each need is different. So it is important that we look after ourselves in ways that work for us as individuals, be that reading or running, doing online quizzes with friends or listening to music. Coronavirus also separates us into our own little boats as each of us has the potential to be carrying the virus. It is the hidden enemy and therefore we must keep our distance from each other. Yet as human beings, and from an emotional point of view, that is counter-intuitive, as we mostly seek connection with others, be that just being close to someone or shaking hands, a touch on the arm or a big hug. Proper, 3D connection with others enable us to thrive, not merely to survive. So if you're struggling, remember that it is entirely normal (in this new normal) to feel as if you are on top of the wave one day and wobbling and on the underside on other days. Your feelings aren't wrong, they just ARE. To coin another phrase, it really is ok not to be ok. This is an incredibly stressful situation to be living in and there is a layer of tension under the surface for most of us. Within the resources available to you, if you can do one thing today, be kind to yourself. https://www.headroomcounselling.co.uk/blog/rss/blog/2020/may/06/caught-in-the-wave-of-covid-19/ https://www.headroomcounselling.co.uk/blog/rss/blog/2020/may/06/caught-in-the-wave-of-covid-19/ Wed, 06 May 2020 15:39:00 https://www.headroomcounselling.co.uk/blog/rss/blog/2014/august/18/speaking-from-the-heart/ It feels right to speak from my heart. What is our own mental heatlh if not what we deeply and prooundly feel in ourselves, in our heart of hearts? And what a solitary place that is. Mental health has been in the news so much recently, from talk about its continuing stigma to shocked reverberations about Robin William's suicide. Nick Clegg only a few weeks ago announced that he wants us to be able to understand mental health as well as we undersand physical health and for us to be able to talk about, analyse and treate depression just as we treat diabetes. It feels like there is a long way to go to get there when there is still such stigma surrounding mental illness. How many of us gloss over what we really feel, or don't talk about the struggles of a family member? Clearly a lot of us still feel that admitting to being less than ok is a bit of a taboo subject. One in four of us have some form of mental illness at some point in our lives. That's you, me, someone in our family, a colleague, a neighbur, a close friend, a friend of our children. Many of us guard that information closely - so clearly mental health is something we don't feel we can talk about as easily as cancer, kidney failure or hip replacement. But why? Perhaps the problem is that mental illness is perceived as a weakness which affects all of how we are able to be. When we have a prosthetic limb, we know that our functioning in some aspects of our life will be limited, but in others perfectly normal. If we suffer from migraines, we may be totally incapacitated for a day or two and otherwise funtion as usual. We might do well to bear in mind that we have to avoid triggers like chocolate and red wine. Mightn't mental ill health often be the same? If we suffer from stress or anxiety, we will need to learn what sparks those out of control feelings for us and find ways of managing them. If we have a depressive illness, we will need to build in good support strategies for the times we can't lift our own mood. Perhpas medication will play a part in our treatment or recovery. And yes, mental illness does sometimes take over our lives, but then physical illnesses can do the same. Being mentally unwell is a strange place to be - it's often contained within us and we can't touch it or see it. It can make us feel very isolated becuase what's going on on the outside may not reflect what's going on in the inside. And we don't admit to what we feel because we don't others to see us or our loved ones as weak or flawed or less able to function. When MP John Woodcock came out about his own depression last year, he talked of the number of men in his constituency who had come up to him afterwards and told him how they had been keeping quiet their own struggles because of a culture where men get on and shrug stuff off. For men, amongst whom talking about their feelings often has little currency, admitting to needing help is counter-cultural and even seen as not being properly masculine. Woodcock talked of the great strength he had gained from colleagues who had talked about their depression and how that had inspired him to be open about his own depression. Much compassion has been expressed for Robin Williams, who took his own life so tragically recently. Perhpas it's time to do things differently and extend that compassion to ourselves and those around us and talk and listen a little more about how we feel. That way we might help to do away with some of the misconceptions and cruel isolation of mental ill health. https://www.headroomcounselling.co.uk/blog/rss/blog/2014/august/18/speaking-from-the-heart/ https://www.headroomcounselling.co.uk/blog/rss/blog/2014/august/18/speaking-from-the-heart/ Mon, 18 August 2014 15:51:00 https://www.headroomcounselling.co.uk/blog/rss/blog/2013/october/28/the-clocks-go-back-and-how-do-you-feel/ The clocks turning back, the beginning of the lead up to Christmas and the pressure as well as the pleasure that brings, can lead us to reflect on how our life is currently. How have the last few months been for you? Have you enjoyed the warmth and the longer hours of daylight when it seems like you can fit so much more in a day? Or are you relieved to be able to draw the curtains and turn on the lamps and maybe slow down a little bit over the winter? Many people can feel gloomy at the prospect of their days feeling shorter, and the dark evenings closing in on them. Exercising early in the evening may help re-energise you and help you cope better during the evening.  For some, the longer hours of darkness bring depression which is hard to shift and which has a real impact on their wellbeing. They may lack energy from day to day or have difficulty concentrating; their sleep may be disrupted; they may eat or drink more and put on weight; they may be more prone to illness and lose interest in sex or run into problems with intimate and other relationships. Across the board, things which they would normally take in theirstride may just seem too difficult to cope with. They generally feel more anxious, tearful, lacking optimism and guilty - and like theyare letting themselves and others down. If you recognise any of the feelings expressed above you may be experiencing depression. In the UK, 80% of people experiencing depression don’t receive treatment and it is something that about 10% of us experience in any one year. Talking treatments like counselling are extremely useful in helping people cope with depression, be it seasonal or longer term. Talking things through with someone trained to listen and support can help you identify and deal with other issues that might be contributing to you feeling and being the way you are. It can also help you find some practical ways of managing your thoughts and feelings so that you function better and have a greater sense of wellbeing overall. Perhaps it would help you to talk, to explore what you feel? I can help you with this, and together we can explore how you feel, how things are for you and find a positive way forward. https://www.headroomcounselling.co.uk/blog/rss/blog/2013/october/28/the-clocks-go-back-and-how-do-you-feel/ https://www.headroomcounselling.co.uk/blog/rss/blog/2013/october/28/the-clocks-go-back-and-how-do-you-feel/ Mon, 28 October 2013 23:43:00